Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Movie Review - Immortal

Well, as most of you know, usually a film has several elements. For instance, a story line, that should unravel as you go along with the movie to a climax point where the different sides collide to reach the conclusion the director sees as fit. There usually are a protagonist (the good guy), and an antagonist (the bad guy). And usually, directors try to give these and all the other characters a background and a motive to make their actions more real and understandable. And most importantly, there usally is an ending, even if it's an open one, but there is some kind of finale to the movie.

Luckily this particular movie has none of the above. The story line -if you can call that- is that Horus, the god of heavens in ancient egypt, is given seven days to save the earth or he will become mortal and die. Ofcourse the reason for such a thing is a mystery which you shall never know. He goes down to earth and enters the body of a single man, and he starts looking for a mutant -yes, the original plot of the movie contains underpreviliged mutants living with us humans. This female mutant has the special ability to reprocreate with the gods. And he keeps insisting to his human host that they should impregnate her. Also the reason for this decision is still a mystery to me.

The antagonist in this movie -luckily for him- does not exist. But in his place there are a few people who want to kill the human host for political reasons -good enough for me. However after many attempts, they unleash one mean, ugly-looking, SOB killing machine to kill him, and the beast i must admit looks like a reject from power rangers. Anyway the beast tracks down his target and then he finds him, and i go "good, finally some action". But no, Horus steps in and kills the beast in under 2 seconds without any kind of a fight. I mean, why bother with the visual effects??

The female mutant on the other hand has a totally different story. There is some doctor interested in studying her and protecting her, quite logical. And there is some weird guy without a face that she knows and loves, who keeps giving her weird advices for weird situations, and then dies for a weird reason. My guess, he just wanted to get the hell out of the film.

The film production of course, is quite unusual. It's like a cross between "Blade Runner", "The Fifth Element", and "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within" in the most dull and annoying way. Not all the characters are played by actors. I guess they just couldn't find people with no self-respect enough to play the role, so these characters are computer animated. And the animation isn't that good. No emotions on their faces or anything. Not like "Shrek" or "Finding Nemo" or any other Pixar movie.

The dialogue was written by a sixth grader i believe. Because most of the dialogue is like this:
Character 1: "Are you crazy? why did you do that?"
Character 2: "Am I crazy? Do What?"
Character 1: "So, i see... well tell him not to worry"

One of the things that puzzled me is that all the killing that happened in the movie, were done by Horus, who was initially supposed to save us. But hey, he's a god, so i suppose we can let that one go.

The movies end was that the seven days finished, Horus went back into the pyramid. The female mutant gave birth to another mutant and lost her memory -lucky bitch- and the human host is free to walk around. No climax during the two hours of suffering i had to endure, and no meaningful ending.

My advice to you is to NOT watch it unless somebody is holding a gun to your loved ones. Because if the gun was pointed at you, just ask him to shoot and get it over with. But hey, i discovered two words that would make sense of all this crap that goes in the movie, i mean i was surprised why i didn't think of them earlier. The words are:

FRENCH PRODUCTION.